Sorry, my friend.

Sometimes I regret saying certain things or doing certain things.

I blurted some hurtful words and did something very unpleasant and untruthfully to a dear old friend of mine, and now we are not in good terms any more. Worse still, it happened a few weeks before we went on our separate ways, and now, I don't see her any more.

During the times when I thought of her, I asked myself, what have I done? Why can't I hold back at that time? Why can't I be more careful of my words at that time? Why can't I lift myself from all the evil and horrible feelings that I have on her at that time?

I lost her as a friend. It is my fault. I wanted to fix the problem but I am so scared to even sms her. I did once to ask how is she, and she also replied back, but then, I lost the courage to talk to her and I did not reply back.

The scene kept playing in my mind, making me sadder by the day. Deep down in my heart, I know, jealousy is the main culprit. I am jealous of her for having things that I wanted to have but I couldn't have. The things, are not in material form. It is something more delicate, closer to the heart. Something that I always wanted. Now, I realized how foolish I am to try to force things my way.

I hope, one day, this pain in my heart can be dispelled. But yet, a year has passed, and the pain have only been more painful than ever. I will always miss the days when we chatted happily in the car or shared silly jokes in the cafeteria. Deep down, I know she has let go and has moved on and as forgotten me as a friend, I don't hate her for that because it is myself that I couldn't forgive.

The only thing I can do now is to make sure I don't make the same mistake again and lose a friend again.